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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23965687">just like him</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/amybri2002/pseuds/amybri2002'>amybri2002</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Gen, all the sides are kinda morally grey in this ngl, logan is also mentioned but doesn't really play a part, pof spoilers ahead, there's no happy endings here. just roman being a sad boi., yeah this is just angst i tried to write hurt/comfort but that didn't happen sorry y'all</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:33:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,987</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23965687</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/amybri2002/pseuds/amybri2002</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>**WARNING: PUTTING OURSELVES FIRST SPOILERS AHEAD**</p><p>After... certain things are said, after things go a little too far, Roman recounts his days with his brother, Remus, and wonders if he's really the purely good prince everyone says he is.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anxiety | Virgil Sanders &amp; Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders &amp; Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>98</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>just like him</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>soooooo that video huh<br/>yeah uh i'm sad. basically. but also the video was awesome and led me to think of some angst which is f u n. honestly i just wanted to explore roman's feelings regarding remus and after yesterday's video. let's just say i got some ideas.<br/>anyway, this is set directly after yesterday's video, so obvious spoilers ahead. hope y'all enjoy ^^</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Roman bit his lip, trying to suppress the tears close to escaping from his eyes. Deceit - <em>Janus</em> couldn't have been telling the truth, right? Of course he wasn't, he didn't <em>do </em>that. He was just... trying to get a rise out of Roman. Like always. But Roman <em>wouldn't </em>let him, he <em>couldn't </em>be defeat by him.</p><p>But, deep down, Roman knew he was... no, not right, but...</p><p>God. What if he <em>was </em>like Remus?</p><p>He leant back, smacking his head against the wall, and closed his eyes, breathing out. He wasn't <em>bad </em>like Remus. He couldn't be. He was the <em>Prince</em>.</p><p><em>It had been nice at first, to have a brother. Back when the two of them first formed. With two of them, it meant that they always had someone to be with, always had someone to play with. And they didn't</em><em> quite understand how or why there was now two of them, but... they weren't about to complain. They had a </em>brother<em>. </em></p><p>
  <em>And Remus wasn't so bad at first. Sure, he was loud, and a little obnoxious at times, and maybe now and then he'd say things that he probably shouldn't. But Roman was the same! They were both Creativity. They could create together, share ideas - Roman's ideas were really the only ones that got through to Thomas, but Remus... tried. And Roman loved him for that. He loved how the two of them could have a laugh together, create something even if the others didn't like it. It didn't matter back then. </em>
</p><p><em>Until it </em>did <em>begin to matter. Until Roman realised what exactly was going on. </em></p><p>There was a gentle knock on his door. Roman threw his covers over his head and hid, ignoring the person walking into his room. Maybe if he stayed underneath the covers, they would think that he was sleeping, or something, and <em>go away</em>.</p><p>They didn't. Someone sat on the edge of his bed, stroking his shoulder through the blanket. Roman tried to remain as still as possible and closed his eyes, willing himself away from this.</p><p><em>Roman wasn't supposed to be like Remus. From the sounds of it, he wasn't even supposed to </em>like <em>Remus, period. He'd been told time and time again that </em>he <em>was the good guy, the hero, the Prince of Thomas' dreams. And he'd been told that Remus was the bad guy, the villain, that he was only trying to hurt Thomas. And, yeah, maybe Remus crossed the line every now and then - well, a lot of the time, actually - but that was fine! Thomas knew not to </em>actually <em>do what Remus said, if it was going to harm him. And Roman was still around to make </em>actual <em>contributions and... to keep Remus at bay. </em></p><p><em>Besides, Remus wasn't the </em>only <em>side that did that. That Anxiety fella always seemed to get Thomas down, but Morality never seemed to have a problem with that, did he? That was just Anxiety doing his job. Just like Remus was doing - how come </em>he <em>was bad? </em></p><p><em>Roman was good though, that much he was sure on. Thomas loved his contributions, Thomas was </em>always <em>happier when Roman took charge, when Roman was able to show Thomas the beauty of the world, of </em>his <em>world. And, sure, maybe sometimes Remus would come and ruin it, and </em>maybe <em>sometimes that frustrated Roman, maybe sometimes he </em>wished<em> that he didn't have a brother, that he was... that he was the </em>only <em>Creativity. Roman was all Thomas really needed, right? He never listened to Remus' suggestions, so why was Remus even here? Just to spoil Roman's fun? </em></p><p><em>Maybe that was when Roman began to see Remus as the villain. He just wanted Remus </em>gone<em>, so that </em>he <em>had the control over Thomas' imagination, but... the only way that could happen was if Remus was bad. If Thomas didn't want Remus around, then... well, Remus wouldn't be around any longer. </em></p><p><em>That had happened to Anxiety, hadn't it? When Thomas showed more signs of bravery (Roman's doing, he was sure) and didn't want to constantly fear the world around him. So... </em>he <em>took Anxiety away. That snake fella... what was his name? Whatever. He took Anxiety away, why couldn't he take Remus away as well? </em></p><p>Roman opened his eyes as he felt himself falling, just in time for him to reach out his hands and stop himself from hitting the ground head-on. He wasn't in his bed anymore. This was- This was the Imagination. He must have been thinking too much and brought himself here.</p><p>That was fine. He began to wander around the fields of the Imagination, heading away from the Palace and down into the forest, away from everyone else. He imagined - ha, <em>imagined </em>- that he looked like a mess right now, and, for once, he didn't particularly care. Besides, he <em>felt </em>like a mess, so maybe appearing like a mess wouldn't be that bad.</p><p>He walked through the forest, breathing in the fresh air. He wasn't crying anymore, at least, but...</p><p>
  <em>Remus was taken away, eventually. And then it was up to Roman to keep Thomas' creativity flowing. Exactly how he wanted it, right? </em>
</p><p><em>Thomas </em>loved <em>Roman. And so did the others. Morality was always so proud of him, and Logic was... well, Logic was Logic, but he never </em>hated <em>Roman, not like... not like they all hated Remus. </em></p><p>
  <em>He'd seen it happen. He'd seen Morality shut Remus down, constantly complain at him for even the smallest of suggestions, just because those suggestions weren't always 'pure' or 'innocent'. And neither were Roman's! But Morality never complained to Roman. He always encouraged Roman, so maybe... maybe the problem wasn't with Remus' ideas, but more with Remus himself. </em>
</p><p><em>Because Remus was the villain, and you weren't supposed to </em>like <em>villains. So then Roman had to become the hero. He had to be </em>perfect<em>, not like Remus at all, or else everyone else would hate him. </em></p><p><em>He hadn't seem Remus in a while, but Remus still plagued the back of Roman's mind. He could hardly remember that last time the two laughed together - maybe that hadn't been real, maybe Roman had been so desperate to have a </em>good <em>brother that he'd made it up. It certainly wouldn't be the </em>first <em>time that he made something up in order to make himself feel better. </em></p><p><em>No - Remus remained an image in the back of Roman's mind, the image of everything that Roman didn't want to be, that Roman </em>couldn't <em>be if he wanted to be listened to. </em></p><p>Roman saw a flash of green out the corner of his eye. And then a cackle, heading towards him. He groaned - of course, of <em>fucking </em>course.</p><p>"Hey, Roman," Remus said, grinning.</p><p>Roman really wasn't feeling up for this.</p><p>Remus frowned. "What's wrong? Your hair's all over the place."</p><p>"I <em>know</em>, asshole," Roman snapped, "you don't have to bring it up." He pushed past Remus and continuing his walk. After a moment, Remus ran up to his side and walked as well. Roman groaned. "Would you <em>stop</em>?"</p><p>Remus blinked. "Stop what?"</p><p>"Just... <em>stop</em>."</p><p>Remus hummed. "I think I'll continue, actually. Stopping <em>everything </em>sounds like a lot of work."</p><p>"Well, can you stop being a <em>nuisance</em>?" Roman said. "And just leave me alone, maybe."</p><p>Remus didn't leave. Groaning, Roman clicked his fingers, leaving the Imagination. He couldn't be dealing with this right now.</p><p><em>Roman was alone, after Remus had been taken away from him. Maybe he regretted his wish. Now he had </em>nobody <em>to play with, no one to create with, it was... it was all up to him. </em></p><p><em>That's what he wanted, of course. He wanted to have full control, for Thomas to listen to him and </em>only <em>him. And Thomas did, for years. Well, he listened to Morality and Logic as well, of course, but... he didn't have to listen to Remus anymore. He only took Roman's suggestions, and that was </em>perfect<em>. </em></p><p><em>Only... it meant that </em>he <em>had to be perfect as well, all the goddamn time. And sometimes something would slip out, sometimes Remus could take control for a second, and </em>Roman <em>would be blamed for that. Without Remus around, he had nobody to fall back on. It was </em>all up to him<em>. And if he continued to slip up, Thomas would hate him as well. The snake man might take him away, just like he took away Remus. </em></p><p><em>It was getting harder and harder, though. Harder to keep that innocence, that purity. That wasn't who Roman was. Morality </em>wanted <em>him to be like that, and Thomas </em>expected <em>him to be like that, but he wasn't. So he put up an act. He pretended to be all good and pure and innocent. He pretended to be the hero. Pretended to take down the villains, all of Thomas' demons. The villains being Remus, and Anxiety, and the snake man who took each of them away, who'd take </em>Roman <em>away as well if he acted more like... more like himself. </em></p><p>God. Maybe Janus <em>was </em>right. Roman was just like Remus, wasn't he? Roman was horrible, and dirty, and wasn't trying to protect Thomas at all - he was trying to protect <em>himself</em>.</p><p>It made sense. He'd constantly bullied Virgil - something that, at the time, he thought was right, because Virgil was the <em>villain</em>, but then he <em>wasn't </em>the villain anymore, and all of a sudden Roman had been in the wrong. He'd made a mistake - he couldn't make mistakes, that wasn't him, if he made mistakes he was <em>just </em>as bad as his brother.</p><p>"Hey, hey, calm down," a voice said besides him. Roman glanced around. This- This wasn't his room. It was too dark. And cold. And-</p><p>An arm wrapped around his shoulder. He glanced at the person besides him - Virgil. Oh. And Roman was crying again, of <em>course </em>he was. Perfect. Just perfect.</p><p>"What happened, Princey?" Virgil asked, seemingly alarmed.</p><p>Roman didn't want to say, but he couldn't escape this any longer, could he? "Am... Am I like Remus?"</p><p>Virgil frowned. "What?"</p><p>"I am," Roman decided for himself. "I'm <em>exactly </em>like Remus. Otherwise Thomas wouldn't <em>hate </em>me right now."</p><p>Virgil shook his head in shock. "Uh, Roman. You're <em>nothing </em>like Remus. You know that, right?"</p><p>"I... don't know that, actually." Roman tore himself away from Virgil's grasp. "I hurt you, just like how Remus had hurt Thomas, so... I'm basically the same as him. <em>Just </em>like Janus said."</p><p>Virgil blinked. "...Janus?" he repeated, and then, under his breath, "Who the fuck is Janus?"</p><p>"You hate me, Virgil, right?" Roman said.</p><p>"I, uh- no?"</p><p>"You do," Roman said, standing up and moving away from Virgil's bed. "Why wouldn't you, after all the <em>shit </em>I put you through?"</p><p>Virgil stood up as well, stepping towards Roman. "Uh, Roman, buddy, I don't think you're being fair to yourself here. I don't <em>hate </em>you. I mean, yeah, it kinda sucked when you were, y'know, treating me like a villain and stuff, but-"</p><p>"You don't have to <em>lie </em>to me, Virgil!" Roman shouted, to which Virgil visibly flinched. Oh. Oh no. He was doing it again, wasn't he?</p><p>Feeling the tears beginning to fall out again, Roman clicked his fingers once more, this time landing in his room. It was empty, thank God. He walked up to his door, locked it, and sank down to the floor, holding his knees. Maybe if he just stayed here, everything would be okay. Thomas could continue without him - heck, maybe <em>Remus </em>could take over.</p><p>Because... Remus was better than Roman, wasn't he? Remus only acting up because he wanted to be listened to. <em>Roman </em>acted up because he wanted control, and he <em>hurt </em>other people intentionally, innocent people who only wanted the best for Thomas.</p><p>Thomas was better without him. Roman was no hero.</p><p>Janus was right. Roman <em>had </em>to be the evil twin. Which meant it was his time to step down. Let the real heroes take charge.</p>
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